Embrace the Uncertainty

Stochasticity makes algorithms more robust. So are humans. Hence, I shall embrace the uncertainty.

This time last year, I was a confused student with an embarrassing score. I had to make choices: What major? CS (Computer Science), BME (Biomedical Engineering), or DS (Data Science)? Which university? Should I plan to switch majors once I get there? (Actually, I didn’t consider Mathematics much then, but who could expect that I was admitted to Mathematics?)

These days, the roles have reversed, and I have become the “instructor.” During my conversations with new high school graduates, I realized how naive I was last year—and how naive they are now. We are always attracted to promises like “guarantee for a graduate entry qualification” (保研资格) and dazzled by titles like “pilot classes” (试验班), “leader classes” (领军人才班), or “academician classes” (院士班). We fall for the gimmicks admission officers use. Besides, we are in awe of the mythos of “Embodied Intelligence” and the fable of “Microelectronic Engineering”. Few of us can stand back and take a critical, objective view of the hype.

More pathetically, almost none of us have a clear overview of the university: what is actually taught, or what its current situation is. We speculate about university life through the lens of a high school student. We think university physics is just a “Pro Max” version of high school physics. We assume people who are good at math now are naturally suited for Mathematical Sciences. We believe a student who studied Physics and Chemistry (理科生，物化双选) is well-prepared for university engineering-related courses. We imagine microelectronic engineering means manufacturing cool chips and directly contributing to technological advances. These views are one-sided, simplistic, and can be highly misleading.

Tragically, few are able to flee from this curse. Some may realize it after the Gaokao, but by then, there is only a month left. Even more terrifying is the gradual loss of meaning.

In high school, we reduce our lives to a well-defined route: Good Chinese, Fluent English, Excellent Math. Move forward, succeed in entering Tsinghua University, Peking University, or another top school, and then you can grab the best resources in China. Seemingly, you can then effortlessly do good research on AI and get a Ph.D. Thus, our current goal is always studying and the Gaokao. Those who work hard are always praised; we admire the eager beaver. Also, you may pluck up the courage to confess your love, but are rejected “because of studying.” On the other hand, the Gaokao occupies you completely. It accounts for everything. You blame your lack of exploration on the Gaokao. You think the quarrels with your partner stem from the Gaokao. You give up your hobbies due to the Gaokao. Your entire worldview is defined by the Gaokao.

But life is a wilderness, not a track. The high school student’s view is one-dimensional. Upgrading from a one-dimensional to a multi-dimensional perspective is always tortuous. The void and confusion almost consume us. You will quickly notice that what you were good at before is not so handy in your mind now. You may find that you have lost your interest in “knowledge” in an afternoon stuffed with a trilogy of exams. All of the above show that the fine line between your study and the true you has blurred: do you do more math because you like math, or because you score higher in math? Is reading a poem for a later quote in an essay, or just for pure fun? Do you repeatedly polish your essays to hone your critical thinking, or just to get an A? We don’t have clear answers. Nevertheless, during university, we have to answer clearly. You have to know what you came for, and where you want to go.

This is why I appreciate my Chinese teacher, Ximing Wang (王希明), so much. He used to say, “Chinese is a subject that teaches people happiness.” (语文是教人幸福的学科。) When I was in high school, we read many books under his recommendation and encouragement. At the time, I didn’t truly understand what Teacher Wang meant by “meaning” or “happiness”, nor did I grasp the implication of “Sisyphus is happy” or “Waiting for Godot.” Back then, I could recite the classic snippets of those paragraphs perfectly. However, I know that even now I am a little bit like “To write new verses, one feigns sorrow” (为赋新词强说愁), let alone at that time. But now, even though I have forgotten the original texts, I am gradually beginning to comprehend those underlying truths. The reading I accumulated in my mind now brings me peace and belief.

This progress takes time. It resembles an Odyssey, a psychological and philosophical Odyssey. That needs time. Everything falls into place naturally with the help of time. You mature. You waver. You regret. You pray. You grumble. Everything seems to block your pathway. Even a breeze can result in many uncertainties for you.

But I want to say: we have to learn to embrace uncertainties. I have suffered three times in OI. I was hit by a great failure in the English Spring Gaokao, and in Chinese in the Gaokao. But nothing matters. With time, I survive and thrive. In Mathematics, that is mean reversion. Time always brings you to where you deserve. During this period, you are destined to face uncertainties and setbacks.

Actually, stochasticity can make algorithms more robust. So are humans. We become robust in mind after setbacks. We gain experience from exploration. Nothing is useless, because all of it can be converted into experience. I once wavered much over whether I should learn more about CV or NLP, and worried that if I finally chose CV, my time and effort in NLP would become a waste. That’s ridiculous. No experience is a waste. You gain insight, you gain dexterity, you gain positive or negative information. Nothing will be a waste, if you truly exploit your exploration with care.